Jun
26
Blushing, Shyness and Social Fears and Phobia
Posted By: Hypnotherapist on June 26, 2009 at 9:44 amAll can be helped with Hypnotherapy and NLP.
Shyness/blushing or feeling self-conscious is very normal in social situations because we all want to be accepted and respected by people around us. But when these feelings persist after a few minutes they start increasing and then we feel self-conscious about our self-consciousness, we then blush even more because of our initial blushing and the situation seems end in a vicious circle.
Blushing is either a conditioning from early childhood where the criticisms, judgements, comments have focused too much on what we cannot do, what we are not good at and definitely what we are bad at……….always!! We end up growing with a very critical, judgemental inner parental voice that is always telling us we are going to make a fool of ourselves; despite our conscious mind fighting those messages and reading a number of self-help books to improve our self-confidence, self-esteem, we always seem to go back to square one: we stammer, we blush we sweat profusely in strange places, with strangers around and in social situations.
But then it is true that along with the inner critical parental voice we also have the inhibited, fearful, ashamed, self-conscious inner child who has accepted those harsh judgements and programmed his/her mind to believe that he/she is the most inferior, least talented, insignificant person around; or else he/she has compensated for those feelings by building a very hard shell of arrogance, pride and superiority around so that nobody will even see the vulnerability, shame and fears inside.
The years pass by and the programming keeps blocking the opportunities for that person to show their potentials; the chances to stand up and do a presentation, the chances to charm/persuade a public, the chances to make long lasting friendships/relationships.
How can Hypnotherapy help?
Hypnotherapy works directly with the right brain that controls our instinctive and emotional responses; which is why despite logically trying to calm yourself you may have found that the right brain refuses those commands and seems to have a life and reactions of its own! The right brain responds to a very deep relaxed state which is why you find you are achieving more work in a state of calm. When it comes to symptoms e.g. fear of presentations, fear of sickness, blushing, insomnia, IBS, stress created disorders, we have lost that ability to relax enough to listen to our logical explanations; we can only respond from the “fear” triggers in our unconscious brain.
Hypnosis is a state of mind where the unconscious/right brain is more powerful and this happens naturally for all of us when we are on a beach, driving, dancing or listening to music. Yet when in a destructive mode we go into worrying, panicking, and responding in a symptomatic way. All we do is based on old habits or defences we have learnt to protect ourselves with in the short term.
Hypnotherapy works directly with the right brain which is where we store our unconscious habits of responding to the world. Healthy responses are driving, dancing or singing that after a while have become unconscious ways of behaving. Unhealthy responses are reactions that are defences against stress, anxiety or even anger e.g. nail biting, eczema, skin diseases, insomnia, anger bouts or tics and stammering. Hypnotherapy can help clients let go of those alarming triggers that create even more alarm bells and set the body into a state of “fear and flight” (as if their life is in danger and they need to escape) and bring about a state of deep relaxation.
Hypnosis help the unconscious mind regain the safety and trust that the world is worth exploring; we all know this logically but the logic only works for the left brain and when the unconscious brain goes into alarm and creates phobias (spiders, heights, closed spaces, presentations) the logic fails and the client finds that he/she is saying “come on relax!” but the body is responding hypnotically to the right brain’s fear and not the logic of the left brain!
So if you suffer with shyness, embarrassment, blushing, going red, social phobia or any other dread of your reaction in work or social situations hypnotherapy can offer a way out.
Amreet Chapman, Psychologist and Hypnotherapist, Reading, Wokingham, Windsor and Woodley
Email: amreeta@innerpotential.info
Website: www.innerpotential.info
Article Posted – 26th June 2009. Copyright Amreeta Chapman
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Hypnotherapy Helps Anger, Rage and Frustration
“How on earth can we equate a shy, pale person with an angry, red-faced person? Easily… when we realise that hidden is a series of thought and feeling processes that is just the same in both…”
We are brought up in a civilized society that often says “don’t be angry”, “you don’t look good angry!” so that we grow up lacking the right skills to express our hurt feelings in a healthy way. So how do we express anger or aggressive feelings: often shouting, swearing, throwing things around, pounding on doors or tables, shrieking, or pushing people aside and stomping off, sulking in silence for days before exploding into rage…..all these expressions of anger are bound to leave us feeling released in the short term but ashamed, guilty, angry with ourselves and demeaned in our self-esteem and with an estranged, hurt or demeaned husband, wife, partner or child.
Because what often angry people see as triggers for anger e.g. “she does not listen”, “he behaves so irresponsible; like a child I tell you!”, “my colleagues think I am a bully so I give them a bully!” are not there in the first place. Triggers are often there, seen and felt by them because of their belief systems e.g. being vulnerable if I cry, not good-enough for love, fear of losing control and being hurt, being too ordinary to deserve authority status, etc…Thus when the eye see and the heart feels that we are being treated as such we are bound to react defensively to protect ourselves.
Passivity—Assertiveness–Aggressiveness: Scale of expressing emotions.
The person who has learnt to retreat in passivity from early years as a way of protection will keep that same attitude and may even get sympathy and help later on in life to come “out of the shell!” But the person who has learnt anger (from role models, from being ignored, or by colluding with the abuser in the family) and expresses those same hurt feelings and beliefs in anger will get rejection and resentment in later years. No doubt it is difficult to sympathise with angry and aggressive people but I have learnt in my practice that they are wonderful human beings who are in pain but do not know how to acknowledge it , live with it, or express it. Their own feelings make them very uncomfortable and they defend against them!
Expressing emotions or thoughts can be done: either passively, e.g. bottling up, agreeing with everything that is said, following the other person at work or home even if we do not agree or aggressively as laid above. The only healthy way to express angry, hurt, aggressive feelings is by being assertive. Assertiveness skills are learnt from childhood when we are brought up in an environment that allows us to compromise, negotiate and argue within boundaries. But for angry people Assertiveness is an unknown sensation or skill.
When we say some people need treatment for Anger Management we mean that they need help to express their hurt feelings in a constructive way. I have had many clients over the years who have expressed a fear of losing all ability to be angry if they come for Hypnotherapy. What Hypnotherapy will help with is simply programming the mind to process the anger in manageable doses and manageable ways both for the client and his/her family members or colleagues
For people with anger issues often from childhood onwards they have learnt either to be passive with their feelings/thoughts and then blow up or they have a very low frustration tolerance which causes them to react at slight remarks. So as they grow into adults and the pressure of life, work and relationships take over they respond either by giving silent treatment that ultimately explode into raging anger that the partner often does not understand at all or by reacting so defensively and so quickly that they look dangerous and threatening. They will later say that they were only expressing themselves but it is the other person who can hear the rage in the tone, who can feel the threat of attack and who can sense themselves in danger.
Hypnotherapy works well with anger issues for two major reasons
In Hypnotherapy we are working with the unconscious mind where all our instinctive reactions have taken roots and angry/aggressive people often feel helpless once those triggers get touched upon. They have forgotten when they learnt unconsciously to blow up if someone says “you are being silly” or if they just imply it. The trigger has been programmed in the inner mind and gets set up automatically.
What a Hypnotherapist will do is access the inner mind and help identify and then change those triggers and set more constructive reactions to anger, like talking it out, shouting within limits, staying within boundaries of self-respect etc. Hypnosis techniques are there to change those belief systems that are creating anger into healthier beliefs about one’s self-worth.
The added bonus here is that we train the mind to relax and become calm so that we can access the unconscious mind and work with it and these results in the clients’ also learning to relax their mind and body. Which is something an angry person will agree is the most difficult thing for them to do! So relaxation and peace within the mind and body as well as ability to express anger in an assertive way, are some of the few things that Hypnotherapy allows an angry person to achieve. Over three to five sessions the client is helped to develop a more constructive unconscious mindset which he then practices over a few more weeks as he is taught self-hypnosis.
So next time you are faced with that angry partner, friend or work colleague of yours, know that he or she is feeling as vulnerable and hurt and fragile as the friend you know who’s shy and reserved….and then you may just be able to sympathise and help him/her?
Amreeta Chapman, Psychologist and Hypnotherapist, Reading, Wokingham, Windsor and Woodley
Email: amreeta@innerpotential.info
Website: www.innerpotential.info
Article Posted – 11th November 2008. Copyright Amreeta Chapman
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| Filed Under: Anger Management , Shyness Tagged with anger, anger hypnotherapy, Anger Management, anger therapists, anger therapy, Anger: Another Form of Shyness?, help for anger, release anger, shy help, shyness help |
