You may already know that hypnotherapy is effective for issues such as Smoking and Weight loss, but what about the more thorny issues of everyday living and existence? Can hypnotherapy help with issues such as finding meaning in life and living in an uncertain world? In the following article, the focus is on mental toughness and uncertainty. Even though we may crave predictability and security, we all have to live with doubt and the resulting anxiety. In life, anxiety is inevitable; it will either motivate us or overwhelm us. In order to live and succeed in an uncertain world we need what I call mental toughness.

Mental Toughness Versus Uncertainty 

 In order to retain our mental toughness and confidence, we need to be realistic and accept the contingencies of life and existence. This is not always easy as life is uncertain and the future unwritten. We are evolutionally hardwired to be anxious and to worry about the unknown. So it’s unsurprising that we have tried everything from interpreting dreams and reading the stars, to consulting clairvoyants, in order to assuage our anxiety about the future.

Certainty about the future (and the past) gives us a sense of meaning and purpose in the world and the universe – life makes sense. But what if there really is no certainty, no plan and no reward? What if life is just random, meaningless and groundless? What if the universe really doesn’t care? Then, perhaps we need existential mental toughness to get a grip and make the most of a random existence.

Thrown into the World

We do not choose to be born, nor do we choose when and where we are born. We are thrown into the world. At some stage in our development we realise that we exist as individuals and can distinguish ourselves from others. Who and what we become is our responsibility; it is based on the choices we make. Even if life’s conditions constrain us, we still have the freedom, choice and responsibility to decide what we will do and who we will become in each moment. We are our choices. We are our actions. No excuses.

Anxiety and Risk

Given the uncertainty and randomness of life, it is inevitable that we will suffer from some anxiety. In order to contain our anxiety and maintain our false sense of security, we may live restricted lives by limiting our choices and actions. Through risk avoidance and procrastination, our world becomes smaller. A safe life – can be a dangerous life.

The good news is that anxiety can be a catalyst for change and push us towards new experiences that enrich our lives with meaning. Using hypnotherapy we can explore what the anxiety is really telling us, what choices we have and what action we can confidently take. Change starts with anxiety.

So, how can we decide if we are living our lives to their fullest potential? Consider if you had to live your life exactly the same, over and over again for all eternity. As Nietzsche once asked, what if:

“This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence – even this spider and this moon-light between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!” (Nietzsche, 1882)

So, if you had to live your life the same over and over again, would you be happy with your choices and actions, would you change anything? To give meaning and purpose to our existence, each of us has to invent our own philosophy of life. We all need to find our own truth, however what is true for us today might not be appropriate tomorrow.

 Ask yourself these two essential (and existential) questions each day.

1.  Who am I?
2. What am I going to do?

For more information on Mental Toughness and Hypnotherapy please see my details below.

_____________________________________________________________________________
Author’s Details

Phil Pearl Phil Pearl DCH DHP MCH GHR Reg
Clinical Hypnotherapist – Harley Street & Kensington, London

Website: www.mental-toughness.co.uk
Email: phil@mental-toughness.co.uk
______________________________________________________________________________

Bibliography:

Nietzsche, F. (1882). Die fröhliche Wissenschaft. Translated by Walter Kaufmann UBNVAYFFQNC6

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It always amazes me how many clients of mine who come for issues similar to those listed above answer in the negative when I ask them “can you look at yourself in the mirror?” and yet they are constantly checking yet never liking their appearance wherever they can get a peek: Shop windows, other people’s gaze, car mirrors…

Try it for yourself: stand silently in front of your mirror and observe what thoughts and images come to your mind; you’ll know by your ability to sustain your gaze and feel okay about what your mirror reflects back whether you are one of those people who is still waiting for others to tell you how good you look today!

Looking good and feeling good is one of the essentials to have in business or personal life. But looking good by whose standards? And trying to keep ahead or in line with the criteria of “looking good” factors that are widely advertised by the media: latest lip gloss, slimmer dress code or most aggressive perfume does not necessarily make us feel any better in the long run….

Our self image, the way we imagine ourselves and the way we talk about ourselves internally is our set of rules that we carry around and we confirm that set of beliefs by reading others’ minds and body language as confirmations. We create that mirror effect and we get back only what we are already expecting by our internal images of ourselves!

Imagine the scene: one person is wearing the latest bright dress and wishing to be noticed and liked; but before she leaves her house she looks into the mirror and says “oh my god, I still look fat!” Another person wears her favourite dress not necessarily acclaimed as the latest fashion and she looks at herself in the mirror and her internal voice goes: “I love this colour on me!”

When they reach that party the first lady is already wearing her internal lenses, poised to read “how fat she looks” in the eyes of people and thereby even when she is given a compliment instead of being able to rejoice at the efforts she made, her internal dialogue goes something like “yes but….I am still fat!” and soon she is miserable and feeling not good enough. When lady number two is told how good she looks that compliment just confirms what her internal lenses were saying earlier and it doubles her smile of satisfaction; she feels elated and even better because let’s face it we all like being liked and admired…

The first mirror of self-approval and self-affirmation comes from inside and whatever our self-image is in there that is what we project outside and awaits for confirmation via the words and expressions of others. If our self image is grotesque, ugly or even “I am not good enough!” we either fear social situations or escape from them and then our mind creates all kinds of symptoms to cope with our inner need to run away: blushing, stammering, blanked mind, tensions and nervousness, lack of confidence, panic in talking in public. Basically the mind is battling with the logic saying “you are not good enough to be here! Let’s go!”

As a Hypnotherapist the part of my work that I like best is witnessing those extra lines of tensions disappearing from the faces of my clients; years of battling with one’s own self-image when the logic and the promotions at work or the love of the partner is saying they are good enough puts a lot of strain in people’s body language and we can notice those extra tensions in our shoulders, neck and facial expressions. Over just a few sessions of hypnosis the body feels safer and good enough to smile without effort and extra use of the muscles to hold tension. As well as clients learn to let go of those old obsolete triggers of self-image absorbed from years of growing up in conditional and judgemental family or social atmospheres thus creating an inner self-image that is acceptable and “good enough”.

It is a pleasure for the therapist in me to observe how clients’ gaze grow steadier, how their language patterns change from “I should be more good looking, more smart, more tall.” To “I can be who I am and I am okay”

There is nothing magical in applying Hypnotherapy to a mind that is caught in self-defeating self-talk and self-image but it is magical to watch what changes people bring to their lifestyle and expectations from others as the simple process of changing their inner mirror help them to develop that internal locus of control rather than awaiting constant approval from external sources.

I’d like to end with what one client said about it all:

“ Before I did hypnotherapy my mind saw my boss as a tiger howling at me and whatever I did it was just not good enough because I felt like a child being reprimanded; through the process of hypnotherapy I understood it was because I developed a self-image of myself as a little girl of not being good enough, of failing my parents constantly and that feeling still got triggered every time I faced someone in authority! In only four sessions of intense Hypnosis techniques and practice I entered his room with the winning smile of a young capable woman and even now after a whole year of my last Hypnosis session on days when I am told what I did wrong I hear and see in my boss a man talking to the woman in me and not the tiger out to eat a little child!!”

Authored by Pat Bishop 

Here are some suggested steps to ensure that you have prepared as thoroughly as possible for your interview.

Do you really want the job – is this your kind of work?

Now is the time to decide whether this job, with its various tasks and required skills, is what you really want to do. Although the job title and salary might be attractive, you need to give serious thought to whether the role is one which really interests you, and will maintain your enthusiasm and drive.

Make sure you thoroughly research the company. For example, do you know what they produce? Do you understand the company structure? How long have they been trading? This knowledge will help to boost your confidence at your interview, and will also impress your interviewers. It will also help you to decide whether you really do want to work for this company.

Is this work that you’ve done before? If not, how much can you bring to the job in terms of transferable skills? For example, you may like to have a management job, but unless you can prove your organisational and management abilities either from previous jobs, or comparable life experiences, you may be over-reaching and setting yourself up for failure.

Once you’ve considered these points, a helpful technique is to ask yourself why you want this particular job, and to repeat this five times. If you can answer each why’ differently, but in a very positive way and quite quickly, you will be much clearer about your motivation for wanting this job. This can enhance how you approach the interview, and the over all impression you will give. If you can’t answer these questions easily, then perhaps you should reconsider.

Knowing your CV and handling questions

It is crucial to prepare yourself for the interview before the day of the interview. This can involve aspects such as deciding what you are going to wear for the interview, as well as getting familiar with your own CV (resume). There is nothing more embarrassing than being asked questions based on your CV, and not being able to answer them because you’ve forgotten about something which you stated.

It is perfectly acceptable to take a copy of your CV, or brief notes, into the interview with you in order to jog your memory. But do keep these as brief as possible and ensure they are relevant to the job description. It’s not very impressive to hold up the interview while you search through reams of paper for an appropriate response.

You should also feel free to jot down any questions, particularly a multi-part question, in order for you to focus more clearly on the issue. This will help you to feel confident about giving a comprehensive reply. Remember that you can always ask an interviewer to clarify, or repeat, any questions. You can also ask the interviewer to come back to a particular question if you need further time to think.

Ensure your successful arrival

You will want to make a good impression straight away. Turning up late for your interview and making excuses regarding getting lost, or public transport letting you down, will not get you off to a good start. It is therefore vital to ensure you know the route in advance, and to give yourself plenty of time to cope with any unexpected events such as traffic jams, transport failure or other emergencies.

If possible, have a practice run before the day. This will help you to estimate more accurately how much time you will need to allow for travel, and will help soothe any nerves on the day.

Rehearse answers to popular questions

Your confidence will be enhanced if you rehearse answering typical interview questions. Some people find it helpful to rehearse their answers out loud. For example, speaking in front of a mirror, a friend, or even your cat or dog!

Popular questions which you may be asked are:-

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